Welcome to All

A man took his dog to the veterinarian and asked him to cut his tail off completely.

"I don't like to do that," said the vet. "And why completely?"

"Well," said the dog owner, "my mother-in-law is coming to visit us, and I don't want anything in the house to suggest that she is welcome."

Laugh, if not smile please

An older man never attended church. One day the church got on fire, and there with everyone else, was the old man throwing water.

After the fire fire had been extinguished, the minister said, "This is the first time I've seen you at church."

The old man replied, "And this is the first time I have ever seen this church on fire."

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"How many members do you have in your church?" a friend of the pastor inquired.

"Three hundred," replied the Pastor.

"Are all of them active?"

"Yes," replied the pastor. "One hundred and seventy-five are working for me, and the other hundred and twenty-five are working against me."